We came here in search of solace. Shelter from the storm of infertility. Another failed treatment and another dent in
the dream. So, we packed up and ran away
to a beach town. In a tiny and cheerful
little cottage, the grief seemed far away.
It was still there, but quieter.
Not as tangible.
Unknowingly, we returned to a place that was a happy
highlight of my childhood. I took more
than small comfort in the warm memories and sense of nostalgia that they evoked. It was a lovely novelty to have no plans, no
appointments, nothing to do. Four lovely
days to fill as we pleased.
Our little family
desperately needed this time out from the emotional rollercoaster we’d been
riding.
Even the dogs seem happier here.
We just need to be and that’s all we’ve done. Lots of sleeping in a luxurious king size
bed. Lots of lying around and reading. No TV, no phone or internet. Just us.
Just stopping to be fully in the moment and taking joy wherever we could
find it.
Wandering the shoreline and dipping our feet in the lake,
mixing cocktails in the middle of the day…snacking, napping, playing in the
yard with the dogs, farmer’s markets, walks to the ice cream shop and the
novelty of meandering up and down the little highway that connects this string
of tiny towns.
Stopping wherever we please and sampling the local
delights. Exploring and discovering
delicious food and beautiful scenery.
The simple pleasures and charm of a summer beach town are balm for our
wounds.
I like to think of this trip as the Giant Time Out. A chance to be still and even silent. To quietly reconnect with each other. No expectations, no planning, no
pressure. A rare chance to just be.
In this silence, I am reminded of how very much we have to
be thankful for. My marriage and my life
is rooted in love. I am blessed beyond
measure by the sheer amount of love in my life.
I find myself overwhelmed by the generous and compassionate souls that
travel in and out of my life. As I pause and reflect, I am stunned by how very
lucky I am. After three years of feeling
unlucky, this is like an elixir for my soul.
It’s the beginning of healing, of acceptance and a small step away from
grieving.
A very wise woman once gave me a mantra, “accept your life
as is”. Such a simple phrase and so
powerful at the same time. Once you focus
on this concept, there is no turning back.
As I reap the rewards of the Giant Time Out, I’m slowly
beginning to breathe again.
Now, more than ever, I think I’ve arrived at the end of this
infertility journey. For me, the road
may end here. No more treatments, no
more false hopes and emotional rollercoaster rides. I have other dreams to chase. There are other avenues to explore and
stories to write.
I think it may be time to fully accept my life as is- rooted
deeply in love with laughter, and even some luck.
