I’m a firm believer in the idea that there are many roads to happiness. No matter how much I love someone or how close we are, their path will never match mine. To be truly happy, we must choose our own way. If we’re very lucky, we have people along our path cheering us on and picking us up as we fall.
I like to think that those who love us the best give us the most room to be ourselves.
Over the years, I’ve tried to walk (and stay) on my own path. I like listening to my inner beat and slowly feeling my way around to what is right for me. In fact, the older I get, the more I feel like myself.
Unfortunately, it also seems that the older I get, the more people expect me to be like them. To emulate their dreams and their experiences. Anything else is uncomfortable. Maybe other choices make them question their own?
I’m completely content with my little universe and the world around me. That’s why I’m so shocked at all of the opinions that have been swirling around.
Some of my favorites include comments about “my alternative lifestyle” and “You need to grow up and stop living this way”. I’ve also been told that “you can’t be young forever” and “it’s time to quit playing around and make a decision”.
With a husband and a dog, and a full time job and a fledgling writing career and volunteer work and time at the gym, I’m not sure how my life looks much different than most people I know.
Apparently, my mistake was not having children.
Not only do I not have any children, I’m not miserable about it.
This is foreign territory- even to those who love me the most. By not having a family (and not being miserable about it), I have somehow become a stranger to them. A stranger with an alternative lifestyle!
Let me be clear. I adore children. In fact, my husband and I have been trying to have one for a very, very long time. Many failed attempts later, I’ve decided to return to my roots. To do what I know. To listen to my inner beat and slowly feel my way around to what is right.
What feels right is to be happy. To accept my life where it is. To embrace and dance and play and discover and explore….. To relish joyful moments and be grateful for my blessings.
To let things be.
Apparently, this is not an acceptable response to my childless situation.
According to society and Hallmark cards and just about everyone I know, I’m supposed to be miserable. Heartbroken. Putting on a brave face. Emotional. Unable to come to terms with my bad luck. People speak to me about it in hushed tones or pull me aside to ask how I am ‘holding up’.
They are incredibly sympathetic until they find out that we are not in a rush to do anything about it. No fertility treatments. No tests. No profiles for prospective birth mothers. No immediate plans, of any kind- other than to focus on being happy.
That’s when the opinions come spilling out. I usually nod and smile, eager to end the conversation.
Here’s what I’d like to say…
If you really love someone, let them walk their own path. Even when it looks different than yours. Honor where they are and not where you think they should be. My journey doesn’t have to mirror yours. Yours is still perfectly ok. My reaction doesn’t have to match yours. That doesn’t mean yours is wrong. As I honor your way, please let me choose mine.
